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Remember the needs of the multiples

Disagreement between parents and the school over separation can too easily become a power struggle over who is determining the options for the children.

"I know what is best for my family"

" I know what is best for children in my school"

It is worth considering that the children may be less affected by the decision whether or not to separate them, than by the conflict over this decision and the reasons why both parties are being so inflexible. It may be that parents want their multiples to be seen as the centre of attention and do not want them separated just for this reason. It may be that the principal/head teacher is determined about always separating twins, irrespective of the wishes of the family.

Whenever a debate about separation occurs and both sides seem to get more and more entrenched in their views, someone else can give a new perspective. For example, if the concern is about classroom behaviour or some academic skill, it may be possible to involve some outside specialist teacher or psychologist. Perhaps the problem is not as serious as everyone has been saying or perhaps there is some intervention strategy which could provide an alternative solution to the issue. However, if no resolution is possible, then something must be done for the sake of the children. It may mean capitulation by one or both parties:

"Yes they can be separated but will be put back together if there is any clear indication of problems"

or

"they can stay in the same class but they will be on opposite sides of the room where they have the comfort of knowing the other twin is still there but without the disruptive contact. If they are disruptive, then separation is the only option left".

If tension does continue and is not resolved, the ultimate solution is to move schools. Each year a few parents of multiples take this drastic and disruptive step as the only way to deal with what may be developing into a very stressful situation for the children, who can sense the friction between the adults. However, with competition for school places, moving school may not be an option. Therefore, early discussion and resolution is essential so that parents and teachers can work together for the benefit of the children.