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Differences in ability

Sometimes the situation arises where one multiple is a long way behind their co-multiple(s) and the rest of the class. If this child is really struggling compared with everyone else, then one option is to keep him or her back a year. In the Twins in School Survey attitudes to this constituted one of the most noticeable differences between teachers and parents with the teachers being much more willing to accept this as a reasonable step.

The La Trobe Twin Study has followed many children throughout their development and it is encouraging to see how many may make considerable progress after several years of real difficulty. Such a change would be our greatest fear about keeping one back. In two or three years they may have caught-up in ability with the co-twin but are condemned to go through school a year behind with no opportunity for ever getting back into the same grade.

"Both twins repeated grade 3 this year because:

• both were young
• the mother wanted to keep both girls at the same year level
• "It was felt that the relative immaturity of the girls may affect both later in schooling, even though only one is behind at present."

So there are three pieces of advice when keeping one back seems likely:

• Be very sure that the difference is serious and likely to remain so. Often a psychologist or some other specialist may be needed to help make a fully-informed decision. Those who have always seen one twin struggling may be less likely to note their strengths and instead attend only to their weaknesses.
  
  
• How are the twins or higher multiples relative to other children? Are they both struggling compared with other children but one more than the other? Or is one a long way behind the other multiples who are achieving well above average, in which case the key question is whether there are other children not doing as well but who would still be advanced to the next year. If they were premature it may be appropriate to compare them with the year below.
  
  
• Think about the sensitivities of the child who is being kept back. This child may want to try a different school, so that they are less conscious of their multiples a year in front. It may be much easier for them to accept if some of their singleborn friends are being kept back as well. The situation at home has to be watched carefully, as the ones in front may draw attention to their more advanced status, possibly on purpose, but often unconsciously as they talk of new things they are doing.

Being kept back a year is the most obvious way of drawing attention to differences between multiples, but there are other possibilities. One multiple may get a scholarship to a particular school or form of training and it is interesting how often parents think of denying this child his or her opportunities, just because it would affect their co-multiple(s). They may think less of the resentment it may cause in the twin who is missing out on their opportunity.