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Best practice in meeting the needs of multiples - A balancing act

No one would claim the decision about separation is necessarily easy: it is a complex balancing act between two sets of needs. Multiples do need some independent development, as eventually they will go their separate ways. On the other hand they can have a special bond and a uniquely supportive friendship it is tragic to destroy needlessly. Conversely twins can compete to an excessive and destructive extent. With higher multiples collaborations and competitions can arise which continue throughout life, as one or more bear the grudge as to why they were the one(s) left out in the cold from the closeness which the others developed and still share. However, they may also go through school helping each other while also being rivals to a mild and stimulating extent.

One of the most important points has been kept to the end. Probably no other phrase than "A balancing act" exemplifies what can make multiples so special and their needs so different from those of singleborn children. Separation is just one of many factors which can contribute to meeting these needs. It must always be seen in the context of other things at home and at school being done to help the children.

All of us need to learn more about many aspects of the multiple situation. In particular we need to be sensitive about how much of the multiples? attitudes to each other and to society are learned from parents, teachers and other adults. When we complain about multiples being competitive with each other and overemphasising small differences in behaviour or ability, we have to ask from where this behaviour originated. It can be difficult enough for multiples to learn to live with the assets and liabilities of their relationship, without adults complicating matters even more! We hope this website will help all adults become more aware of ways in which the twin relationship can be special and of how they can help children develop fully both as individuals and in the unique situation which arises with multiple births.

Being a multiple birth child is not a disability. The following are some of the advantages of being a multiple:

• a unique and special relationship that is not available to singletons

• an understanding about sharing and waiting for adult attention right from the start

• having a companion and friend available particularly when tackling homework and revision for exams.

• having a competitor who can spur you on to do better

Multiples are special people who often receive special attention. As long as this does not go to extremes and the children develop as mature ?dependents? comfortable both as multiples and as individuals, there is no problem.

With understanding and support where necessary, multiple birth children can make good progress in school enjoying and celebrating the fact that they are a multiple.